Time to change

Okay, here's how it's going to go: I am going to work on myself. For now on, i'm going to focus exclusively on myself, not trying to sound self centered or anything. But from this point on I need to pick myself up from this sluggish attitude I have about everything and start making my life better. I am constantly unhappy with how things are, but I am not doing anything to fix it.

It's really crucial that I pick up my grades and become more involved with the school now, before it's too late. I would like to end the school year with a couple A's if possible. I've noticed I have an "I don't care" attitude about school in general and I need to get out of that phase before it becomes permanent. I need to start studing and preparing for upcoming assignments, and I also need to make sure I have all of my work turned in before it's too late (Ram).

And another big issue I need to deal with is how I act towards my mother. Today is Mother's Day and I believe I have given her the worst mother's day of her life. I constantly argued with her all throughout the day, and I think I may have made her cry. I feel dreadfully, unbelievably horrible that I pushed her to say some of the things she said to me today. She went as far to say that only one out of the three kid she has loves her. And the one she was addressing is in jail. She definitely does not deserve to be treated the way I treat her and I am terribly sorry for everything I did to hurt her. Before this day is over I have to apologize and make the rest of her day wonderful as possible. I must've forgetten this is MOTHER'S DAY, not nasty, rude, ungrateful, teenage daughter day. Now, I have to finish this up so I can go make my mama happy she had me. Bye.

Hello everyone!

I'm starting to realize that things have changed a lot. It seems as thought the people, places, and activities have changed quite drastically since way back when. I've noticed the innocence in some people has just evaportated, just desentegrated completly from their lives. A lot of the people I pass in the halls aren't the same person they were a year ago; it seems as though they've lost their character, their conscience, their something! I don't know...But what I do know is that I don't like it. At ALL!

Is it just me, or is almost everyone making a change for the worst? I know I have a problem with change, and I understand that, but if you are doing something good and it's making you happy, why change it? Why disturb your happiness if it can keep going? I know that changes are good if they are to better something, and changes are bad if they are going from good to worst. But some people just change just to change, for no particular reason at all. I don't understand it. I know life is all about moving forward, and maybe that's my problem. I can stay in one place for a very long time if i'm satisfied with it. But some people just can't stay still, they have to move, even if it's in the WRONG direction (some people reading this know what I'm talking about).

One thing that is definetly changing is the way that school is run. School was different last year, it was better. And I heard that school was even better before that. I thought Open was all about being different, special, and above normal high schools, it seems like its moving towards becoming like any other school. These issues need to be addressed and handled properly or they will continue and get worse with time.

Mi best friends

I've had one of those days
you know what I mean
when I try to sit back and relax
and blow off some steam.

I'll talk to all my friends
who know just what to say
to make my stresses go
and my troubles fade away.

My friends you're always there for me
whenever I feel blue
and though we have differences
I know our friendships true.

And although we haven't been friends for long
in this short time it seems
we shared so many things already
our hopes, our fears, our dreams.

We come from different walks of life
but we share a common bond
and it's time to say that you two
I've grown so very fond.

So friends thanks for being there
whenever I've needed you
I know you're always there for me
and you know I'm there for you.

Megan

As the time pass,
and we grow apart,
I want you to know,
that you're in my heart.

You helped me through problems,
through things good and bad.
You helped me keep smiling,
when I was sad.

You helped me with guys.
You made me stay strong.
How will I live,
when you are gone?

And where the years take us,
No place is too far,
We will think of each other,
wherever we are.

You're a wonderful person,
with a good heart to lend,
And I want you to know,
You're a really good friend

Way too close

It was the moment when time seems to pause for awhile,
I was dazzled and taken for what I had witnessed,
feeling weak and defenseless against your lovely face and
timeless precious smile,
oh dear you take my breath away.
I had tried a thousand times trying to ignore you,
make you feel not being noticed nor admired,
avoiding every longed moment and opportunity
to have just a glimpse of you
but somehow again,
I was being conquered by your amazing passion in life,
and leaving me helpless of not loving you.
We became friends,
even thought in reality I never know who you really are or
what I may end up if gamble my tired and lonely heart
to someone as mysterious as you,
fears slowly creeping deep inside for I am afraid
that the beauty you had shown will one day just disappear.
I wish I could easily untie my heart from my horrible past,
I am confused and frightened for the truth is
my soul longed to know you more,
where heart beats faster its time you are near.
Yes, I do desire of being with you all the time,
dreaming to hold your hand and kiss your tender lips,
and if I had one last wish before I die
I would rather spend it a day with someone as beautiful as you

Duck Tape

Why does this keep happening?
I don't know why.
When will it end?
It's tearing me apart.
What's the cause of this?
A BROKEN HEART.
Tell me, please where to start.
Searching for pieces of my broken heart.
A wandering soul, with no direction.

Constantly drawn by recollection.

Useless memories, no purpose to serve.

Depleted heart he doesn't deserve.

I've always wondered what happened and why.

Black eyes water, but they never cry.

I ain't got time for no pointless game.

If you loved me, you should feel the same.

I heard, if he can't catch you, you don't need to fall.

And it's best to have lost, than to have not loved at all.

But now you're telling me this a little too late.

My heart's all busted and I need some Duck tape.

omg!

Today while I was a the bus stop hanging with my friends as usual, I saw this huge gust of black smoke in the sky. As soon as I noticed the smoke, I immediatly knew it was a fire. Me and my two friends ran across the street on which we saw a fire truck, which confirmed my assumption. We rushed through Oregon Hill, up the street and around the corner. We met police cars and lots of nosy people. While I sprinted up the street, I glanced up at the cloudy sky and saw large, thick, black and brown clouds of smoke. I looked over to my friend Lakeya and said that I hope nobody has gotten hurt. As we got closer we saw more and more police cars and fire trucks. Residents of the neighborhood were coming from all directions. When we approached the ally we saw Gabby running towards the burning scene. Turning up the ally we saw the source of the smoke, and all the commotion. A house was terribly on fire. The whole front part of the home was charred and burned black. Inside the busted out windows was a blazing, ferocious, deadly fire. In my eyes, the fire looked out of control, even though there were about ten firemen working on the blaze. I was scared for anyone who may have been in that home or in any building near it. As I moved up closer, a woman who was a resident, made a phone call to the person who lived in that building. Some of the words I heard in that conversation included: " Dude, don't you live in the buildng beside that church place?" And, " Man, I'm sorry to have to be the one the one to tell you this, but your house is burning, man." Luckily, no people nor animals were in that house. Smoke filled the air as Keya and I left the area. Im going to pray for that guy and anyone else who lived in that place.

Ever so sleepy

You know what, i'm tired. And when I get tired I tend to get irritable, cranky, and over all b****y! I don't feel well and I really just want to go to sleep, but in order to maintain a good, stable grade in creative writing, I must complete my home work. And my home work includes writing these blogs. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem writing them, I just tend to wait till the last minute before I do my homework (See procrastination blog). Like always I wait till it's inconvenient for me before I do what I need to do. I don't know why, I just don't seem to want to do my home work as soon as I get home. It's just like, I know I have extra time, so I feel like I can just do it later. Once later comes, I'm either busy wasting time or sleep. And I never do my homework at school, even when I say I will, I always never do. It just doesn't get done and I either fail or try to use my sweetness to get out of it, which doesn't work 99% of the time. But that one percent has done me well.

People in the wrong!

Don't you just hate it when you do something good, a favor, for someone else and when you expect your promised reinburstment, they don't come through? It's especially bad when the person who is in the wrong is your own parents. See when it's someone like a fellow student, you can find ways to get what is owed to you. But when it's your parents, it's a whole different ball game. You can't really MAKE your parents give something back to you because they have the authority, they make all the rules, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Field trips

I think my favorite part of school, other than home work, is field trips. There's something about them that just give me that adrenaline rush. Maybe it's just because every out of town field trip I have taken has been great, in every sense of that word. Like in seventh grade, I had my first out of town field trip with my school. We had to pack the night before, and bring blankets, pillows, and mobile entertainment because the bus ride was seven hours there and seven hours back. We had to be at the school early in the morning, like around six o' clock. My mom dropped me off on the side of the school, where I saw the other students walking to the brightly lit school in their pajamas. We waited in the auditorium where we met our friends and their families anxiously waiting for them to dismiss us to the coach buses. When they dismissed us, we would grab our friends and all their stuff, and run for our lives. All just to get a descent seat close to the back. There we would excitedly wait for all our other friends to assume their seats in the back also. Soon after, after everyone boards the bus, the driver takes off, beginning the long drive to our destination. After the actual trip, the bus ride home is a whole other story...

Mi birthday is coming!!

Hey guys, my birthday is coming! You know what that means right? That means I'm going to be sixteen years old! I'll be able to get a job, i'll be able to finally get my driver's licence, AND best of all, i'll get loaded down with all the responsibilities. (Hint: sarcasm) But responsibility will be good for me. If I can follow through, I will be trusted more, which is always good. I will have more freedom and work towards being less dependent on my mother. She'll love that!

This blog

Ok, another thing that is on my mind, what exactly is this blog suppose to contain? I do believe you told the class wednesday, but right now I don't really remember. If I'm suppose to write some poetic stuff, we're all out of luck, because I suck at poetry. Are we suppose to write a story or something because I feel more comfortable writing like this. I know this is not suppose to be a diary- like entry, but isn't writing exactly what I feel or exacty what's on my mind diary-like? I'm not confused, I just want to make sure that I am not doing the wrong thing by writing like this. All of my blog entries will not be like this, these are just my first two beginner blogs. Anyway, what is the actual definition of a *blog*? I never thought to look it up, but I have always wondered. And why do they have to contain two hundred and fifty words, can't they be less because I can not even think of anything right now, except how much homework that needs to be done. It also sucks a lot because I've wasted all that time on facebook, and now I'm too tired to do anything else.

Distractions

Clary, I hate the fact that even though I know I have homework to do, I still avoid it. It is 8:30 on the dot and I'm just starting my homework. I kind of got distracted by facebook. I wanted to check it and get it out of the way so I could get my work done, but then I saw something that caught my eye and it took up two hours of my homework time. This happens almost everyday; I put off homework recieved on wednesday, due friday, end up doing it friday morning. This whole procrastination thing has to stop. I've had a procrastination problem since middle school. Everytime I get a project, or any other assignment that's not due the next day, I set my mind to think that nothing needs to be done till it's necessary. It's not a good way to go about school work and it's not going to help me when I get to college. The reason I'm writing about this is because this is what is on my mind right now, this is my most present problem.